The Cottage (2008) Review


I fancied a bit of horror comedy to watch on a Sunday afternoon and this one had some how passed me by when it was initially released. Starring Reece Shearsmith and Andy Serkis I had a good idea it’d be a decent watch. There’s quite a few decent British horror comedies about so I sat down to give it a watch.


Director: Paul Andrew Williams

Writer: Paul Andrew Williams

Stars: Reece Shearsmith, Andy Serkis, Jennifer Ellison, Steven O’Donnell

Run Time: 93 minutes

Budget: £2.5 million estimated

Tagline: Sleeps Six Bloody Comfortably Link

Trivia – According to director Williams, Tracey was originally written as a 40-year-old character but, to get the finance, he was told to cast someone young.

Trivia – The man with the dog who speaks to David when he goes to the village telephone Is Doug Bradley, better known as ‘Pin-Head’ In the Hellraiser film franchise.

The cottage starts with David (Andy Serkis) and his brother Peter (Reece Shearsmith) arriving in a cottage in the middle of nowhere to carry out their kidnapping scheme. David is the one in charge and Peter is a bit of a sap but both are pretty inept as kidnappers. Their victim is a local gangster’s step daughter Tracey played by Jennifer Ellison, who only needs to look good and have big boobies.


Things go wrong enough for the two kidnappers when their third accomplice leads some henchmen right to them and Tracey proves to be too much for them to handle. She’s feisty, violent and very sweary, she even manages to break some bones of her kidnapper with her hands tied behind her back thanks to some nasty looking headbutts.

This isn’t their only problem though, when the kidnapping goes all to pot David needs to use the phone and he runs into the locals who warn him that outsiders don’t fare well round these parts. The man who warns him is none other than Pinhead aka Doug Bradley.


Tracey manages to con David and the third man Andrew into letting her loose when she needs to wipe herself after having a wee. Big mistake as she then turns the tables and takes Peter hostage, the pair head into the woods as she searches for help and it’s here that the film takes a horror turn.

They manage to find a house but there’s no one in not for now, turns out a crazed killer lives there who loves slicing people up. There’s body parts everywhere and some unknown terror in the basement, queue the horror style chases and a couple of gruesome stabbings.


All this brings the brothers closer together as they being to admit their shortcomings and bond together whilst laying down nearly dead. Things aren’t over though and we’re treated to a decent end fight as the brothers try to survive against the crazed killer with a bloody battle in the kitchen.

The Good

  • Reece Shearsmith is excellent as the cowardly kidnapper who has no right to even attempt a crime like this.
  • Andy Serkis also plays his part well as the hardman of the two, he’s a much better actor than I realised.
  • Jennifer Ellison, sure she’s there because she’s got big tits and looks like a chav but she is exactly what is needed. She’s an arsehole character who is much harder to deal with than they expected and more importantly she’s very believable in this role.
  • There’s some pretty gory scenes, maybe a lack of deaths but the stabbings and chopping of limbs looks great.
  • The way the film changes from an amusing kidnapping tale into a horror for the last half hour or so was excellent.
  • Doug Bradley cameo.
  • Old people shuffling (you’ll get it when/if you see it)
  • The post credits scene.
  • Great use of classic music throughout.


The Bad

  • Pacing is a bit off, although the way the film kind of changed genres was done really well the first hour or so is a bit slow in places.
  • Needed more kills, sure there’s some nice gore but how about some pointless cannon fodder for the crazed farmer to kill.
  • I’d liked to have known a bit more about the history of the farmer, why he’s like that or where the hell he came from.

This is a pretty good film, sure it’s not at the level of a Shaun of the Dead (2004) but it’s worth an hour and a half of your time. It’s got some nice gore, some funny parts and some quite exciting chase scenes, the killer is basic but does the job. If you’re a fan of Reece Shearsmith like I am then this is a must watch just for his acting skills alone.

Overall Rating – 7.5/10

5 thoughts on “The Cottage (2008) Review

  1. I would watch this, I love Andy Serkis. I think he is quite talented. Although I had to chuckle at your description of Ellis being a chav, LOL. I want to bring that slang to America. We have quite a few chavs where I live. This sounds like a nice bit of splatstick. Good review.

    Liked by 1 person

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